If your wife has a chronic illness, chances are romance is the last thing on her mind. Too often illness creates physical pain, weight gain or loss, bloating and even feeling less than a woman if she's had to give up everything from her career to her lingerie.
It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.
So! Can you get the spark back? Yes! Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, "I love you."
Buy her food that she can eat without guilt--even if you have to hunt it down. Did you know chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love"? Look at your pharmacy for Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate. Starbuck's just introduced a heavenly new drink, a sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce'. Now that's romantic!
Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.
Talk to her about how much you admire her and how she copes with the daily-ness of living with a chronic illness. Remind her that you're never going anywhere and you feel blessed to be married to someone who shows so much strength in character when her body is weak.
Buy her something she wouldn't buy herself like a $20 bottle of lotion, a CD she's mentioned or a rocking chair for the patio. What is something that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well? Pamper her.
Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.
Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for "romantic conversation starters."
Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn't looking.
It's no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. "What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?"
The good news is that perfection is not a requirement. Just by making the effort to increase the romance in the relationship will score you some big points. And she may not let you even have a chance to finish reading that book on romancing your wife, because if she sees you reading it, your willingness to read it may be all the romance she needs. One last piece of advice, doing the dishes or the laundry really can be the best way to your wife's heart.
It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.
So! Can you get the spark back? Yes! Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, "I love you."
Buy her food that she can eat without guilt--even if you have to hunt it down. Did you know chocolate contains phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that produces the feeling of "being in love"? Look at your pharmacy for Russell Stover's sugar free chocolate. Starbuck's just introduced a heavenly new drink, a sugar-free Cinnamon Dolce'. Now that's romantic!
Women with a chronic illness are the same as most women. They want their man to hold their hand. Give affection generously, but also carefully to not cause more pain. Rub her back, call her a pet name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Cuddle, snuggle, and cuddle some more like you will never let her go.
Talk to her about how much you admire her and how she copes with the daily-ness of living with a chronic illness. Remind her that you're never going anywhere and you feel blessed to be married to someone who shows so much strength in character when her body is weak.
Buy her something she wouldn't buy herself like a $20 bottle of lotion, a CD she's mentioned or a rocking chair for the patio. What is something that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well? Pamper her.
Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.
Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."
Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.
Are you having troubles starting up some romantic conversations? Buy a book about conversation starters or fill a jar with topics. Do a search online for "romantic conversation starters."
Take the time to create the atmosphere. The new flameless candles that operate on a battery are great for a romantic environment. Make up a play list on your ipod that will take her back to simpler days. Bring a big bouquet of roses into the bedroom when she isn't looking.
It's no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. "What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?"
The good news is that perfection is not a requirement. Just by making the effort to increase the romance in the relationship will score you some big points. And she may not let you even have a chance to finish reading that book on romancing your wife, because if she sees you reading it, your willingness to read it may be all the romance she needs. One last piece of advice, doing the dishes or the laundry really can be the best way to your wife's heart.
About the Author:
Free 40 pages of Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend by Lisa Copen when you sign up for HopeNotes chronic illness ezine at Rest Ministries. Lisa is the director of Invisible Illness Awareness Week
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